Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Cherry Breaking Post---Ground Rules

Hello all, this is my first post. I am the world's lamest blogger. I wish to set out some ground rules for my blog. These groundrules are subject to change at a moment's notice based on my whim.

1. Anonymity

I will remain anonymous on this blog. It's not that I am necessarily ashamed of anything I may post here, but I would not want employers, future business associates, etc. getting the wrong idea about me. This blog will contain ideas that are controversial or unusual and that a simple person at first blush may not understand.

For example, I wish to type an entry about one of my favorite sports, Walker Pole Vaulting. Walker Pole Vaulting is when the bumper of your car hits a senior citizen using a walker head on, causing said senior citizen to fly over your windshield. People may say that I am somehow sick because I enjoy hitting mobility-challenged senior citizens with my car.

This is untrue. I do not enjoy hitting old people with my car. I just enjoy watching them fly over my windshield.

2. I promise to try not to be lame.

The web is full of lame posts regarding mundane activities, mundane opinions, and wining. I will try and avoid these.

A. Mundane activities

There are millions of blogs out there where someone writes "I saw a Seinfeld rerun last night" or "I went to Starbucks yesterday." Big deal. If I am going to write about mundane activities, I will try and do it in a non-mundane way. I promise not to write about a trip to Starbucks unless something cool happens like spotting a dozen one-legged midgets with Jerry-Curls.

B. Mundane Opinions

There are milllions of blogs with mundane opinions. Tons of people out there write things like "Soldier Boy Sucks" and "Chocolate Malted Crunch Rocks." I will write no such things unless I have a unique spin on them. For example, I might tell you Soldier Boys sucks because the dozen one-legged midgets with Jerry Curls I saw at starbucks told me to pass on the world. Afterall, nobody has told you Soldier Boy sucks because the 12 man strong one-legged Jerry Curl posse dissed them.

C. Complaints

There are millions of blogs by spoiled brats complaining about petty things. I will try and keep the complaints to a minimum. Even if I am a quadraplegic in an AIDS hospice who just let the mouth controller for his motorized wheel chair fall out of his mouth, I will still try to minimize the whining because nobody wants to hear about my problems.

3. Content of the blog

This blog will be for mature audiences. It might contain language or subject matter that might not be suitable for immature people. You might read this and accuse me of being: racist, sexist, homophobic, a tree hugging hippy, a right wind nut job, a bible thumper, a carnivore, and a vegetarian.

If this blog is going to serve any "higher" purpose, it will be that it will be one of the few pieces of adult entertainment on the web. It will provide controversial, offbeat, and unusual views that simple minds may not understand or find offensive.

Now you might be thinking, World's Lamest, 90% of the internet is porn. How can your web site be one of the few pieces of adult entertainment on the web?

Well porn really is not "adult" entertainment. The target audience seems to be adolescent boys. Are you going to tell me that a 13-year-old is not going to understand porn? Is he somehow going to miss the director's "artistic" vision? Granted, a 13-year-old might warp his mind looking at some of the really smutty stuff on the internet, but that does not mean that it is over his head.

4. Grammar, typos

I was not an English major. I do not have the ability to spot tpyos from a mile away. Furthermore, this blog is something I am doing for fun that I expect only two or three people tops will ever see. (My bet is that most of them will accidentally stumble across this blog while searching for one-legged midget with jerry curl porn.....Sick bastards!) I am not going to waste time doing multiple revisons. So please, do not give me grief if I misspell a word or make a typo.

1 comment:

  1. Salut
    Vous avez un bon blog.
    Désolé de ne pas écrire plus, mais mon français écrit est mauvais.
    Un câlin de mon pays, le Portugal