Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Time to pay thanks

There is a small, yet important segment of our society that does not get the recognition it deserves. Soldiers get purple hearts.

Actors get Oscars.

But what about midgets? Midgets contribute so much to our society, yet get litte recognition. That is why I am proposing to to initiate an award for midgets. In this post I will propose two categories and some nominees.


I. Best Midget Athlete

This award goes to the midget that has accomplished the most in the endeavor of athletics.

The first nominee is professional wrestler Little Beaver. Even though Rasslin' is like golf and NASCAR and that it is not really a sport, Little Beaver nevertheless deserves a nomination for his achievements in the sport of professional wrestling.

Our next nominee is Mugsey Bogues. Mugsey Bogues has accomplished a long and productive career in the NBA despite being a runt.

Our final nominee is Lenny the Giant. Not only is Lenny the world's smallest giant, but he pretty much invented the sport of dwarf tossing the same way Michael Jordan invented basketball. I am not trying to say Lenny the Giant is the Michael Jordan of dwarf tossing, I am trying to say that Michael Jordan is the Lenny the Giant of basketball. Michael Jordan could never fly through the air like Lenny!

II. Best Midget Entertainer

This is a highly competitve category with so many worthy people who I unfortunately had to snub for a nomination.

Matt Roloff, the first nominee is quite controversial. He is that guy on Little People Big World. He is the type of midget that would refuse to wear a leprachaun suit and do the funky chicken dance. Nevertheless he deserves a nomination.

First, he was an Ewok in Return of the Jedi. Second, he is an active leader in a group called Little People of America (LPA). LPA holds annual conventions where dozens, perhaps hundres of midgets convene in one spot. He's kind of like that guy in Field of Dreams, except instead of attracting a bunch of dead baseball players, he draws Midgets! If that is not entertaining, I do not know what else is.

The next nominee is Minnie Me. The Austin Powers Franchise was able to drag out for two sequals on his site gags.

Our final nominee is Beatlejuice. Beatlejuice is unique in that he did not allow his fame to let his head swell, put he stands poised to knock out the competition!


III. Discussion

Please feel free to discuss your favorite nominees in the discussion section of this thread. I must ask that everybody please adhere to the highest standards of ettiquette and decorum. This a midget awards discussion, not the confirmation hearings of Judge Sotomayor!