Saturday, February 28, 2009

Ode to Midgets

I do not care how you are feeling, or what happened to you...there is one thing that can always bring a smile you your face.....


Midgets come in all shapes, colors, and sizes, well perhapps not all sizes. Some have big heads and little stubby sausage fingers. Some have tiny heads like beetlejuice. All of them can participate in midget Olympiad events like: midget tossing, dwarf bowling, and midget wrestling.

Midgets are an exceptional breed that can do things most of us could not. Guys who would kill you for just looking at their girlfriend would laugh their ass off if a gang of midgets gangraped their girlfriend. Speaking of which, if anybody has

That being said, I present you with interesting midget facts

1. The midget on Fantasy Island was a womanizer before he was famous.

2. Midgets are amusing when they dress up in santa claus outfits and bounce on trampolines.

3. In Russia, midgets are the 3rd favorite house pet. They are just behind cats and dogs, and well ahead of goldfish.

4. A bite from a particularly ferocious midget can break the skin.

5. Midgets do not like to be called midgets. They prefer the term Midgo-American.

6. It is pretty cool to watch a midget get pissed after you call him a midget.

7. Midget tossing is illegal in many states and countries.

8. If two midgets have sex, they are capable of producing human offspring.

9. The Minnie-Me sight gags were the only part of the Austin Powers movies that did not get stale.

10. The only thing predictable about an intoxicated midget is that he is sure to be funny.

In closing, let us all give 3 cheers to midgets!

In closing, somebody said all these rap videos with guys bragging about their cars, bitches, and money are retarded. I have to disagree. Today's rappers do not look retarded. I offer you proof.

Nothing retarded here. Just straight pimpin!

1 comment:

  1. Pardon me, sir. Perhaps could I inquire as to whether you are a fan of midget wrestling? Personally, sir, I find it despicable. Despicably hilarious.