Monday, March 23, 2009

The Inflation of 100% and other crap

I. The Inflation of 100%

Jim Kelly's Giving 100% circa 1988
Inflation is the phenomenon where money is not worth as much as it used to be. Back in the 1950's, you could buy a dozen eggs for a dime. Now, a dime might not even buy you one egg..

Simlarly, the meaning of the term "100%" has undergone inflation.
A. 1950's

Back in the 1950's, "100%" meant everything. If I gave you 100%, it did not mean I held back a little. If I held back a little, it mean I gave you 95% or 90%, it did not mean I gave you 100%

B. 1980's and sports figures.
In the 1980's, sports figures began to show us "100%" is not as much as it used to be.

Buffalo Bills Quarterback Jim Kelly gave 100%, which was good enough for him to go to a bunch of superbowls.

Joe Montanna and his team on the other hand gave 110%, which was good enough for his team to win a bunch of superbowls.
From this, we now know that as of the mid-1980's, when somebody gave 100%, it probably mean they were holding back a little. Only people that gave 110% were really giving us everything.
C. This decade and Maury Povitch guests
Maury Povitch guests now claim they are "one million per cent" "ten thousand nine hunder and twenty two per cent" sure that the men on the Maury Povitch show are their baby daddies. Of course, Maury opens up the envelope of truth we find out that the men on the show are not the baby daddy. Now 100% does not mean everything. In fact, "one million per cent" now liberally equates to one in two.*
*-If Patricialata says she is "one million per cent sure" Demarcolo is the father of baby Jartrantium, and DNA tests show Demarcolo is not the father, and if we "conservatively" assume Patricialata had only other male suitor, then "one million per cent sure" really means 50% in 1950's values. This means that the term "100%" Patricialata correlates to less than 1% in 1950's value

II. Campaign against the r-word - Now this is fucking special!
A group of people want to ban the word "retard." Appararently the word "retard" has hateful connotations. Now isn't this fucking "special."
In all seriousness, I know it sucks to have people put you down because you drool all over yourself and have the mind of a 3 year old. The fact of othe matter is, having a low IQ and suffering being "mentally challenged" sucks. No matter what label you attach the condition, the word is going to have a negative connotation.
In fact, President Obama got into some hot water because he used the word "special, " which was supposed to make short bus kids feel better about themselves, as a slur. Many terms like "idiot" "moron" "retarded" and "imbecile" were once technical terms used by doctors to describe people with mental disabilities. Now those terms are used to describe anybody acting like a tool.
So go ahead folks, stop using the word retard. If you know a kid that drools all over himself and jerks off, you should refer to him as "Voltron." That way, He won't feel bad when everybody calls him a "Voltron." Of course, unlike Voltron, these kids may not have a properly formed head.

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