Thursday, April 30, 2009

Chuck Norris....World's Greatest Badass?!

I. Introduction

I decided to start this off with a couple of Chuck Norris Jokes

Perez Hilton and Chuck Norris get into a fist fight. Perez Hilton winds up with 3rd degree burns because Chuck Norris is a flaming faggot.

Chuck Norris walks onto the set of a Japanese porno just as they are about to start filming. Upon seeing Chuck Norris, the sole woman on the set felt relieved because it meant that she was not going to be the one having 15 men ejaculate on her.
Chuck Norris' wife walks into a sex shop and asks for the world's biggest dildo. The sex shop owner asks, "Why do you need the world's biggest dildo?"
She answered, "It's for my husband, he needs it because he is the world's biggest pusssy."
Before Chuck Norris was famous, he got a job working in a porno theater cleaning jizz off the floor. After his first day of work, his boss asked him how he was doing.
Chuck said, "I am fine, but I have this nasty taste in my mouth."
The boss said, "You know there is a mop in the closet."
Guys who think Chuck Norris is the baddest fucker alive.
II. Alternative Badasses

In all seriousness, I cannot fathom why Chuck Norris of all people would be considerred the baddest fucker alive. His films suck and there are a million people out there who could beat him in a fight. I thought I would propose some alternative badasses.

Samuel L. Jackson
If the measure of a badass is playing one on the screen, Chuck Norris is not fit to hold Samuel L. Jackson's jock strap. Jules would strike down upon Walker Texas Ranger with great vengence and furious anger.

Stephen Hawking
If grit and determination are the measure of a badass, Stephen Hawking has to come into the discussion. Your sorry as missed two days of work because you had the sniffles. Hawking can barely more his fingers, yet he sits in Isaac Newton's chair at Cambridge University and pimped the fucker out with 22 inch rims, a state of the art mouth joystick, and a disco ball.

Janet Reno
If taking charge of situation and fucking some people up is the measure of a badass, look to Janet Reno. Reno did not take any shit from David Koresh or those Cubans who were hiding Elian Gonzales. Say what you want about the former Attorney General, but NOBODY can deny Janet Reno has a set of balls!

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