Thursday, April 23, 2009

Stephen Hawking feels like shit

I. Stephen Hawking feels like Shit this week
Physicist Stephen Hawkings made headlines this week because he was hospitalized for being "very ill" with chest problems. Apparently, he was the picture of perfect health last week.
Don't worry, Hawkings is expected to make to "make a full recovery." So we should expect to see him running triathlons and making the ladies swoon with his rendition of Smiths classics at the local karaoke bar.
II. Poetry in Motion
Enough fucking around with frivolous things, I want to discuss something serious that has profound meaning to somebody. Of all the sports of the midget Olympiad, no sport arouses the passion and intense flood of emotions that dwarf tossing does.

I was once asked if Dwarf tossing is a sport, a hobby, a game, a way of life, or a religion. It is none of these. Dwarf tossing, with its symmetry, beauty, and poetic grandeur is too profound to be confined by any of these labels.
Dwarf tossing is about one man, working in sychronicity with one dwarf. The man releases the dwarf, and the dwarf glides though mid-air, little sausage fingers dangling around. Then there is the thud!
So please support your local dwarf tossers. In many areas, dwarf tossing is illegal, even if the dwarf consents. Please work to repeal these laws.
You know what they say, first they came after the dope smokers, but I did not speak up, because I did not smoke dope. Then they came after the drinkers, but I did not speak up, because I did not drink. Then they came after the dwarf tossers, but I did not speak up, because I did not toss dwarves. Then they came after me, and there was nobody left but a bunch of boring Mormons watching the Disney Channel.

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