Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Dying,'s not all that bad

Let it not be said that wirldzlamestblogger does not bring you the latest news and commentary. We are not waiting for the stench of liquor to leave Ted Kennedy's corpse tonite! (Too soon you say?, well fuck you.)
Today's post is about dying. People normally think dying is a bad thing. Most people want to live for a very long time. Dying, especially dying before you get to old, is a good thing.
Dying was one of the best things that could have happened to Michael Jackson. People suddenly remembered what a great performer he was once he stopped putting his blotchy vitalaigo cock in little boys' asses.

Getting back to Ted Kennedy, of all the Kennedy brothers, he was the one that had the biggest reputation for being an alcoholic womanizer. We all know that if Jack or Bobby were not "martyred," it would be a matter of time before they woke up in a drunken stupor next to some dead whore.

Dying is great for rock stars. Jimi Hendrix is widely regarded as the best guitar player that ever lived. Many people said he died too soon and wonder what could have been. You know what Jimi Hendrix would be like if he lived another 30 years....

Eddie Van Halen

If Jimi Hendrix were alive today, he would probably be 40 lbs. overweight and opening for the Doobie Brothers at some shitty Indian Casino. He would probably refuse to play "Purple Haze" or "Hey Joe" and insist on playing his new stuff.

Mick Jagger is a rock star that should have died 30 years ago. I know the Stones still sell out arenas, but the only people that think Mick Jagger still "has it" are pudgy, balding middle aged guys who would like to fuck their secretaries.

Miley Cirus should probably die soon, too. I know she is very young, but if she is allowed to progress any further, she will end up like.......

Brittney Spears, a crazy coked out cum dumpster.
You see dying is not to be feared, dying at the wrong time is to be feared. We all know it sucks to die young, but it might suck even more to die old. You see, dying is another one of life's milestones like graduating school or getting married. If you wait too long, all your friends will have passed you by, making you feel all alone and childish.
We all knew that guy that took six years to finish college or was still single at the age of 50. That son of a bitch was miserable and lonely, not prolonging the party. Similarly, people who are pushing 90 or 100 are like 6th year seniors in college or 50 year old bachelors. They need to grow up, move on, and get a dying.

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