Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Healthcare Reform

Politicians instinctively want to throw money at a problem. Take healthcare reform. Some, like President Obama, say the system can be fixed by spending money on certain things, i.e. throwing money at the problem. I think the problems can be fixed, in part, by throwing a midget at them.
One part of healthcare reform involves prevention. Too many people are getting sick because they have bad habbits. Midgets can be used to rectify bad habbits.
For example, too few Americans exercise. Everyone has been told they should turn off their TV and ride a bike or sometimes. Most Americans think bike riding is lame and would much rather watch Flavor of Love reruns than ride a bike.
If Americans were given cool physical activities to participate in, like dwarf tossing, we would not have this problem. One form of dwarf tossing, cardio dwarf tossing is a great cardiovascular and plyometric exercise.
In Cardio dwarf tossing, the object is to rack up points by throwing a midget off the top of a tall building. The more times you throw him off in a given period, the more points you earn. You start by taking the stairs to the roof of the building. You throw the midget off the building. The midget then deploys his parachute. You then have to run down the stairs, collect your midget before he runs away, then bring him up the stairs to the top of the building to throw him off again.
As you can see, this is a vigorous, yet enjoyable workout. If cardio dwarf tossing were readily available, everyone would be ultra fit.

Many Americans are getting sick because they eat crap. Diabetis, heart disease, cancer, are all diet related.

Yet most Americans prefer a Big Mac combo meal than a $20 container of organic hummus from whole foods. How do we sell Americans on healthy food? For starters, we can have cheaper healthy food in the form of a sin tax on unhealthy food. The sin tax, however, will not convince people that healthy foods can be enjoyable.

That is why I propose we have a hummus midget go around and lecture people on the importance of healthy food. The hummus midget can go around and dance for people that eat healthy food.
People who eat unhealthy food too often must give blow jobs to the burger tranny. I know this sounds draconian, but people must learn to associate fast food with unwholesome and unsavory meet.

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