Midgets and the Bible......Jesus really did love Midgets

On the surface, midgets play a very minor role in the bible. Leviticus 21:20 says midgets cannot enter the holy temple.  The holy temple was a very special and solemn place.  If midgets were up in there, people would be laughing their asses off violating the sanctity of the place.

That is not to say midgets did not play an important role in the bible.  In fact, many of the most important moments in biblical history involved midgets.

David versus Goliath...was Goliath really big or was David a midget?

People often wonder how Jesus walked across the Galili.  Well, he had a bunch of midgets go into the water.    They were able to hold their breaths because they had little snorkels that looked like reeds.  Jesus walked on water by stepping on the midgets' heads.  Afterwards, Jesus turned some water into beer and he and his disciples had a dwarf tossing party.

The traditional account of the Ten Plagues contains some errors.  The final plague that broke the pharaoh's will was not the slaying of the first born son.  Pharaoh cried when all the midgets in Egypt disappeared. He sent the Israelites out to bring the midgets back.

Once Pharaoh realized the Israelites had no intention of bringing back the midgets, he sent his army to chase down the midgets, not the Israelites.  God intervened and split the Red Sea, not as much to save the Israelites, but to swallow up Pharoah's army and save the midgets on the other side who were planning a big dwarf tossing extravaganza on Mount Sinai.

Moses joined the dwarf tossing and asked the Israelites to come up the mountain to join him, but the Israelites decided to worship a golden calf instead.  This pissed God off because dwarf tossing is way more fun than worshiping golden calves.  God sent Moses down the mountain to lecture the Israelites on how fucking stupid they were for worshiping a golden calf instead of dwarf tossing.

Anyway, any major story in the Bible has a dwarf tossing or midget rasslin' angle in it somewhere.

Game of Thrones - A Two Thumbs Up!

Game of thrones is a great show...intriguing plots, violence, sex, and one of the lead characters is a midget!

The midget in the show says it himself.  He is interested in "cripples, bastards, and broken thing."  A man after my own heart because as readers of this blog know, this blog pretty much concerns itself with cripples, bastards, broken things, and midgets.  In a recent episode, the king took away the midget's step stool during the midget's wedding so we could all be amused by watching him try and jump to reach his bride!

I am not the first nor the last person  to give GOT a favorable review.  I am, to the best of my knowledge, the first person to praise it for its skillful use of midgetry.  Let us hope next season brings us MORE CRIPPLES, MORE BASTARDS, MORE BROKEN THINGS, AND MORE MIDGETS!!!

SPEAKING OF CRIPPLES AND BASTARDS.....

I am sick of hearing how just because somebody is in the military they are "heroes."  I am also sick and tired of hearing how today's military is somehow solely responsible for whatever freedoms I have.

I get that this blog would be in German if it were not for guys like the dude above who fought in WWI and WWII.  However, what has the military done in the last half-century.  It pretty much lost 3 out of the 4 wars it fought.  Only one of the groups it fought against, the Talliban, had arguably anything to do with any attack on American soil.

Do not get me wrong, I feel bad for those dudes who got killed or crippled in Iraq or Afghanistan.  I feel really bad for those dudes that got killed or crippled in Vietnam because most of those dudes had zero choice in the matter.  But don't try and tell me I have my "freedom" because some dude lost his legs in Fallujah, Kabul, or Saigon.  What was the army actually accomplishing there in the first place other than pissing away billions of tax payer dollars?  The military are like the fucking unions, they insist on telling us how great our lives are because of something they did 100 years ago while they are nothing but a useless parasite TODAY.

Some jack ass that winds up in a wheelchair because he crashed his car after drinking a fifth of whiskey did just as much for securing my freedoms than any soldier in the post World War II era.  I am not saying this to put down the soldiers, because many of them might agree with me that many of these wars were complete bull shit.  Just because bad shit happens to you, it does not mean you are a good person or accomplished something.  

Some soldiers were able to accept the fact they were put into harm's way for no good reason, which is a difficult fact to accept.  It basically means accepting the fact that at least some people (namely the powerful people in government and the upper echelons of the military) do not give a damn about you.  Some soldiers accept this knowing the existential flaw is not with the soldier, but with those who do not give a damn about the soldier.  Other soldiers cannot accept the fact nobody gives a damn about them, and so they buy into the lie they are getting killed for some greater cause like "freedom."

The fact of the matter is the world is full of people who can and will fuck us over at any opportunity they get. In many respects, these people are worse than child molesters because at least child molesters will let you play with their trains before they fuck you.

If the soldiers really want to start fighting for "my freedom" they should get out of Iraq and Afghanistan and start fighting the people right here in the USA that are fucking people over and getting away with it.  Big banks, cell phone companies, lobbyists, HMO's, unions, meter maids, and all sorts of other worthless douche bags are fucking us up the ass and not giving us the courtesy of a reach around.  I never got a bull shit $300 bill from an Afghani goat herder, but I have got one from people within the US.

I am with the NRA on this one...sort of

In the wake of the Connecticut shooting, a lot of people are talking about gun control.  Some people are talking about banning all or some guns and others are talking about background checks.

Don't get me wrong.  I know the equation:
a moron +  a gun = gun death
a moron + assault rifle = many gun deaths.
And since we cannot get rid of all the morons (or can we?), it seems sensible to lower the gun deaths by getting rid of the guns.  I hear you.

The NRA came out, and in a really tasteless manner tried to suggest a different equation
a moron + a gun + a "good guy" + a gun = no death
This does not seem to work either.  We basically have to find a "good guy" every time a moron comes into contact with a gun to prevent death.  There are plenty of morons, plenty of guns, but very few "good guys" who will not shit their pants the second some moron comes in with an assault rifle and starts blasting shit up.  Another problem with this is that at least half the morons out there think they are "good guys."

I kind of get where the NRA is coming from when they talk about freedom and that freedom has its price.  We live in a country where dirtbags get away with shit so that we can all be more free.

As the reasoning goes, if a dirt bag like OJ Simpson gets a "fair trial" then good ordinary folks like you and I will not get railroaded.  If the police have to get a warrant before they search Jeffrey Dahmer's home, then they will not be barging in on the private lives of people like you and I.

The NRA says we need to have free access to guns and all sorts of other shit, for among other reasons, so hunters can enjoy hunting.  So what if a few dozen people who are in the wrong place at the wrong time have to have bullets ricocheting around their abdominal cavities, the 10% of the country or so that likes to go hunting has to be able to bag a deer...Believe it or not, I can sympathize.

You see, the greatest and most nobel sport of all is dwarf tossing.

Dwarf tossing is illegal in many locales and there are some strong socio-political pressures that make it virtually illegal in almost all locales.  It is illegal because it happens to offend some people who have the choice not to go to a bar or other venue where a competition is taking place.

If dozens of innocent people have to get slaughtered so hunters can enjoy hunting, then a few uppity cunts who have sticks up their asses should be offended by something they can chose to ignore should get offended. That way you, I, and countless other Americans can enjoy the sport, the art, the poetry that is dwarf tossing can truly be free.

The Mayan Apocalypse Is in Progress....

A lot of you dip shits think that the whole Maya apocalypse thing was a joke.  The fact of the matter is that the shit is hitting the fan as we speak and we are all doomed.  The world took billions of years to form, human civilization took thousands of years to evolve.  Do you think the lights would go out at the strike of midnight at the world would vaporize in one second?  Hell no.

When a building is demolished, it may take the explosives a couple seconds to reduce the building to rubble after somebody flips the switch. However, it takes several days of planning and work for the demolition experts to plant the explosives and know where to put them.  Well the Mayan apocalypse is in progress.  Need proof....well here it is....

TOP TEN REASONS THE MAYAN APOCALYPSE IS IN PROGRESS!

10.  The Clipper are the best team in the NBA right now winning 14 straight games and the Lakers are barely at .500.  You still might find 20 A-list celebrities in rows 55-70 at a Lakers' game, and the Clippers cannot even give away court side seats.  I do not want to shit on the Lakers, but on defense they look like a bunch of teamsters going up against Seal Team 6- mismatched, uninspired, and flat footed.

9.  Fiscal cliff....nuff said.

8.  The camel won...

and we are all going to hell for laughing at this shit.

7.  1 billion people wasted 4 minutes of their lives watching this retard and only 10 of them picked up on the fact that Psy was a  gay corky.

6.  This guy is close to getting a nuclear bomb.  Republicans are more likely than Democrats in thinking somebody needs to do something so not just anybody can get a nuclear bomb.


5.  This guy got his hands on some high caliber assault rifles.  Democrats are more likely than Republicans in thinking somebody needs to do something so not just anybody can get a high caliber assault rifle.


4.  There are at least five reality shows on cable TV dedicated to following the lives of people who make cakes.  

3.  The reservoirs are drying up because everybody has 10,000 gallons of water stored at their bug out locations.

2.  These individuals are procreating at an alarming rate and creating a race of three-thumbed retarded red neck babies.  I hold little hope for dear sweet Honey Boo Boo.  I would like to be optimistic and say she will lose her virginity to some sleazy pageant judge some time between her 11th and 13th birthday.  Unfortunately, some 3 toothed cousin of hers is going to knock her up before the end of FY14 and I she will have to show for it is a Lynard Skinner T shirt her cousin got from the dump and shoved into her mouth so she would not scream like Glitzy.




1.  Twinkies are extinct.

It's been a while....

Hello all, it's been a while.

I am going to write about beastiality, a subject I am interested in.  Err...that came out really wrong.

Don't get me wrong.  I have no desire to have sex with animals.  I think having sex with animals is creepy.  Although, I have questions about it.

1.  Why do people have sex with animals?

Do people have sex with animals because they have some sort of attraction to them?  Do people see a dog or a goat walk by and get a boner?  Or do people have sex with animals as some sort of masturbation device.  In other words, do they have sex with animals because they want something warm and moist to stick their dick in and there is no human female available.

2.  Why is it always sheep?

Whenever people talk about beastiality, it is always with sheep.  When you think about it, the most common animals most people see on a daily basis are dogs and cats.  On farms, cows and pigs are more prevalent than sheep.  Tons of people eat beef and bacon, but not lamb.  You think there would be tons of stories out there about people fucking dogs and cats, farm boys fucking cows and pigs.  Yet it is always sheep.  Is it because sheep are sexy?  Does a sheep's ass or vagina feel really good.  Do people not eat lamb very much because they are affraid the farmer's son fucked it.

3.  Does the animal suffer?

Granted, sometimes the animal suffers because the person in the "relationship" is causing physical injury.  I would imagine if a guy with a 10 inch cock fucked a chicken in its 1 inch asshole, the chicken would be hurting.  What if a guy with a 4 inch cock fucked a horse?  Does the horse suffer?  Does the horse even know what is going on?  We allow people to ride on horses backs and hit them, but we don't allow people to ride horses in other ways. 

4.  Why is it always men?

I guess if the answer to number 1 is people have sex with animals because they need something to stick their dick in, the question has been answered.  A woman does not have to work to get a dick to fuck her.  Honey Boo Boo's mom can get fucked. 

Laters.

Osama Bin Laden's dead...Mission Accomplished?

The world has had time to reflect the death of Osama Bin Laden. Don't get me wrong, Osama Bin Laden was a bad man. He deserved to die a violent death. However, Osama Bin Laden's death means jack shit.
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Imagine a game of chess where a pawn takes out the queen, a rook, a bishop, and maybe a few other pawns. The opposing player takes out that pesky pawn and ends up endangering some of his key pieces in the process. Should the opposing player start gloating and celebrating in the streets because he took out the pawn? Hell no!
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The fact of the matter is the USA is more fucked than an roofied-out sorority girl with her panties on the floor and her legs spread open in a fraternity basement. Putting a bullet in Bin Laden's head is like taking an eyedropper full of jizz out of the snatch of the roofied-out sorrority girl.
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Go ahead and celebrate. Bin Laden's death is nothing more than a reacharound in the ass-ramming this county has taken over the last decade.

Now at a new location

My blog has changed. I decided to update shit for the new year.

You can find me at

http://hardcorekiddiesmut.blogspot.com

Making tweets more exciting, the next big rivalry

Tweets and facebook status updates are like fortune cookies, 99.9999% of them are stupid and pointless. Someone figured out fortune cookies could be made more interesting by adding the words "in bed" to them.

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Well, tweets and facebook status updates can be made amusing by adding the words "and it (or she or he or they) felt so good when it went up my ass" to them. Let us give a few examples.

Tweet: "I went out and bought the cutest pair of shoes...."and they felt so good when they went up my ass."

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Facebook status update: "I just went out to Starbucks and got a latte. I had two pumps of sugar free syrup.....and it felt so good when it went up my ass."

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Facebook status update: "John is now a fan of turtleneck sweaters... becausethey feel so good when they go up his ass."

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THE NEXT BIG RIVALRY

The world is full of big rivalries. You have the Jews and Palestinians, Alabama-Auburn, and the Hatfields and McCoys. There is one rivalry that is simmering, that has the potential to surpass them all.

Cripples like to say, "Don't look at me as less of a person. Even though my legs (or arms) do not work, it does not mean that I am not intelligent."
Retards should take this as an insult. Are cripples trying to say that being human is about being intelligent? Lucky for us, retards have not been able to pool their collective wisdom and draw this inference. However, once that dim light bulb turns on in their collective heads, a retard-cripple holy war is on!

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However, special education has come a long way. Retards are now learning how to tie their shoes and stuff. Maybe they will learn to figure out the cripples are dissing them when they say, "I am a good person because my mind works well, even though my legs do not."

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You might be wondering who would win such a war. The cripples have go smarts. They can get someone to build tools they can operate with their pinky fingers to stave off the retard attack. The retards got retard strength though. They can power through things like taser darts because it takes them an hour or so to figure out their balls are on fire. In the end, I give the victory to the retards.

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So what does this mean? Perhaps we should measure what it is to be human on a wholistic scale. We should not only value well roundedness, but treasure those who are extremely lopsided as well.

Save the Porn Forest and People that have let us down!

I. Save The Porn Forest
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When it comes to logging, there are three camps. You have your greedy loggers who want to cut down every tree in the forest. They do not seem to appreciate the forest too much and love wood and wood products. You have your extreme environmentalists who want to ban all logging. They love the forest, but they do not seem to care for wood or things made from wood like furniture and paper.

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Then there are the rest of us. We like wood products and we like the forest. We want there to be some healthy middle ground where loggers can go ahead and cut down some trees in a way that preserves the forest.

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When it comes to porn, the porn forest is in danger. There are three camps when it comes to porn. There are people who hate all pornography and there are people who want to create and/or view as much pornography as possible. Unfortunately, the middle camp is silent and needs to speak up to save the porn forest.

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I am in the middle camp. I am no prude. I like looking at tits and ass as much as the next guy. But that is the thing...I like looking at tits and ass. I don't need to see a chick eat her own vomit while getting fucked by a horse. I don't need to see some dude taking a shit in a chick's mouth while 20 different dudes are stuffing their cocks in her ass.

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You see, the porn forest is in danger. We have been over-titilated. 15 years ago, most guys could get off by looking at Playboy. I felt really ashamed of myself if I looked at something "smutty" like Hustler. Today, a ten year old will get teased by his friends if Hustler is the most hardcore porn he has ever seen.

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I think we need to save the porn forest to preserve it for future generations. We need to prevent over-logging. Perhaps we need to find a way to limit, but not eliminate the porn on the web. That way, teenagers can get sexually aroused by looking at pictures of big boobs like they are supposed to. If we do not act, the results could be disastrous. People's libidio's will be warped.

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I remember as an adolescent watching the Spice Channel at a friend's house with a group of friends which included some girls my age. The boys found it arousing, the girls viewed it with a mixture of curiosity and disgust. I could imagine some of the girl's thinking, "Will my boyfriend want me to do that?" Where that meant contorting her body in some weird way like putting her ankles over her head or sucking some guys cock.

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Today, I am pretty sure there are some adolescent girls looking at today's porn with the same disgust and curiosity. Unfortunately, when the think "Will my boyfriend want me to do that?" That is much worse than sucking a cock or putting your ankles over your head.
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II. People who have let us down

Some people feel they were "let down" by Tiger Woods. Unless these people paid money to see Tiger play in that tournament he backed out of, they were not "let down." Tiger may have let down his wife, his kids, or even some of his mistresses. He did not let down his fans.

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Tiger Woods is a golfer. He has endorsed golf clubs, cars, razors, and consulting firms. He has never endorsed monogamy. If we are to feel cheated, we should be upset that the car he crashed was not a buick.

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That being said, some prominant people have let us down.

Rappers and rap music has let us down. Rap had a certain purity to it when it was about smoking weed, slapping bitches, and shooting people. It has gone from "Fuck the Police" to "Buy this cell phone."
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Ice Cube in particular has been the biggest let down. He went from the brashest "Nigga With Attitude" to doing Disney Films where he plays the hapless dad that allows his kids to kick him in the nuts.
Tim Tebow is a future let down. This fucker lacks integrity. People applauded him for staying an extra year at Florida. I did not. If he had integrity he would say, "I decided to stay an extra year at Florida because I know my skill set will not translate well to the NFL. I would much rather be the big man on campus here and get the lion's share of sweet Floridian freshman pussy than be a second stringer in some shit hole like Buffalo."
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Your probably saying, Tebow is not getting any sweet freshman pussy, he is a devout Christian and a virgin. This should raise red flags. Devout Christians are not supposed to use steroids, yet Tebow can bench press more than his offensive linemen....you do the math. As far as his sexuality goes...let us just say that I am finding it hard to believe that Tebow is turning away all that awesome college trim so he can marry some Pastor's daughter. Perhaps Tebow is good at making those jump passes because his loafers are light.
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Anyway, Tebow is a let down ready to happen.

Birth Control Practices of TV Dads

Ever wonder about the birth control practices of TV dads? It is self evident that at least some TV dads had to practice some sort of birth control, yet you never hear about it. You never watch home improvement and hear about Tim Allen going on a condom run or nutting on his wife's face. With that, I give you Birth Control Practices of TV dads.


When you talk about TV dads, Mike Brady has to come into the conversation. He obviously had to practice some sort of birth control. He had six kids (only 3 biological) living in a 4 bedroom house. If he had anymore, they would have to kick Alice the maid out or convert Greg's attic bachelor pad into a nursery. How did Mike Brady not plant his seed in Mrs. Brady's fecund haunches?
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Simple, he didn't. Mike Brady was as queer as a three dollar bill. Unfortunately, he should have used condoms.
Ward Cleaver on the other hand was a 100% heterosexual male. He loved pussy so much he named his kid Beaver. Mrs. Cleaver was a total fox, with her pert tits that could cut glass, apple ass, and allibaster skin. You know Ward was pounding the shit out of her every night, yet the birth control pill was not yet invented and Ward was a no-nonsense guy that would not fuck around with condoms. So what did Ward do?
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He nutted on Mrs. Cleaver's face. That is why she had such a great complexion.
The dad on Good Times needed to practice birth control. He lived in a 2 bedroom tenement with two boys sharing the couch in the living room. There was absolutely no room for another kid.
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Ye these people were dirt poor. They could barely afford to eat, let alone buy condoms or birth control pills. What did the dad on good times use for birth control?
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His birth control was Esther Rolle. I challenge you to go out look at the best porn ever made, make out with the hottest woman you ever saw....and her sister...then just when you are about to bust a nut, look at a picture of Esther Rolle. Your hard on will crumble like the World Trade Center.
Bill Cosby is probably the only notable TV dad who did not practice birth control. Look at all his fucking kids. Of course, Denise was way too light skinned which makes me wonder if Mrs. Huxtable was using a condom when she was getting it on with Petey's dad.

Tiger Woods: My Dick's Perspective

It seems that the big story these days is Tiger Woods. I am just a loser with a shitty blog, so I cannot give you any gossip you have not heard somewhere else. I also unfortunately cannot interview Tiger, his wife, or any of his mistresses. I can however interview someone who has a valid perspective on the whole situation....my dick. While my dick cannot speak for my brain or my heart, it is safe to say that my dick speaks on behalf of all dicks everywhere.

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Me: Good day to you. I understand you have something to say about the Tiger story.

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Dick: I never had to get more off my chest since that time you got the worst case of blue balls fooling around with that big titted girl in high school.

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Me: So what is the jist of what you have to say?

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Dick: I think the media is being totally unfair to Tiger. If anything, people should be giving shit to his wife.

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Me: How so?

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Dick: Mrs. Woods is spoiled. Sure, Tiger has a relatively easy life. He gets paid millions of dollars to play on golf courses other people pay tens of thousands of dollars for the privilege to use, but Mrs. Woods' life is easier. She does not have to go out and compete against the world's best in front of thousands of people. All she has to do is make sure the maid cooks Tiger's dinner and spend Tiger's money. Yet she is ungrateful and naive.

Dick (cont): You see there are many women out there that would put up with Tiger Woods' shit. Women are lining up around the block to fuck Big Baby Davis, and he's Big Baby Davis. Tiger Woods' is the best golfer that ever lived and is worth more than a $100 million and will probaby make another $100 million before all is said and done. She should realize that part of the trade off for all she has is allowing Tiger to break off a piece of the trim deluge he is being bombarded with.
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Me: Yeah, but Mrs. Woods is a beautiful woman and the mother of his children, does that count for something?
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Dick: Did you enjoy your Thanksgiving Dinner?
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Me: Yes...why?
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Dick: Did you have good times with your turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes?
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Me: Yes....

Dick: Well on Friday morning after Thanksgiving, did you eat your shit? I mean, you had good times with that Turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes. Why not gobble it again? Now I know what you are saying...that's ridiculous. I should not eat food I already consumed. Maybe you thought on the Friday after Thanksgiving that you would have another piece of turkey rather than the one you ate last night. Maybe you are fed up with turkey all together and want something else like a burrito.

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Well, that's how Tiger feels. Why settle for that same piece of turkey that does not give hands free blowjobs day in and day out? Why not go out and get another piece of turkey, or mix it up with a burrito or pizza.

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Me: Is there anything else you would like to say?

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Dick: Yeah. I think people should not give Tiger Shit for curling up in a ball and letting his wife beat him with a club. We all know Tiger was in a no-win situation when his wife started attacking him.

Dick: You know OJ Simpson would not curl up in a ball and let his wife beat him with a club. So let us give Tiger a pat on the back for not pulling an OJ, or at least not yet pulling an OJ.

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Me: From what I understand, you would like to drop a word of praise to somebody else?

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Dick: Yeah, I think Mrs. Woods should learn a thing or two from Hillary Clinton.

Me: Why?

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Dick: You see Hillary gets it. Hillary did not go around hitting Bill with golf clubs every time he got himself a piece of ass. She knew she was married to the leader of the free world, and it was inevitable Bill was going to get some trim on the side.

Dick: You see, Hillary in fact should be commended for farming out her blow job work to chubby interns. Women have no problem having some maid cook for their husbands, clean their husband's clothes, or iron their husband's shirts. Yet, the expect their husbands' dicks to suck themselves.

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Not Hillary. As a former corporate executive, she knows that you cannot sweep a job under the rug. The job must get done, and if you are not willing or able to do int yourself, you must dellegate the task to someone else. That is why I aplaud Hillary Clinton and hold her up as a shining example for women everywhere.
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Me: You know, a lot of people are not going to like what you have to say, they might call you a..

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Dick: They might call me a dick?! Well that is what I am, and I am proud of it. True, sometimes I do stupid shit like that time I made you buy all those girls those drinks when it was obvious your sorry ass had no chance of scoring with them.

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But sometimes, Dicks are right. True, we are close to being assholes, but that does not mean that a dick cannot be right.

New Quiz--the order of things

I. The Order of Things- A quiz

Like the other 10% of the nation that is unemployed, I have the pleasure of watching some Maury and Jerry Springer. After watching these shows, I learned there is an order to things.

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You see, things happen in a certain order. The order can be dictated by logic, custom, or a combination of the two. For example, logic dictates an airplane must take off before it lands. Custom dictates that you get your meat served to you before you get dessert served to you.

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That being said, guess which event comes first based on the logic and custom of Maury and Jerry Springer guests. Answers are on the bottom of the page.

1. a. marry a person

b. have 3 kids with a person

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2. a. have 4 kids

b. turn 19

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3. a. finish junior high school

b. turn your first trick

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4. a. leave the set of the Jerry Springer show, leave the presence of people who want to assault you, clean yourself up, replace torn garments, and salvage whatever dignity you had left.

b. propose marriage

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5. a. admit lie detector test administrator you have been unfaithful to your significant other

b. deny you have been unfaithful to your spouse right before Maury unveils lie detector results

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II. Kid's really are the future of America

Kids really are the future of America and are continuing its values and entrepreneurial ethics. Need proof, just go to any supermarket where kids are selling popcorn, car washes, or some other crap to raise funds for their sports teams or boy scout troops. You will see American kids displaying the following American Business ethics.

1. I know the foreigners can do a better job for cheaper, but pay me twice as much anyway.

You can get your car washed by some Mexicans at a car wash for half the price some high school football team will charge. The Mexicans will clean every inch of your car and are willing to get a little dirty cleaning things like cleaning your tires, emptying out ash trays, and cleaning under seats. Your lazy ass high school kids might do a half assed vacuum job inside your car if you are lucky. Yet I am supposed to pay these high school kids twice as much just because they are white?!

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2. I deserve to have you pay me because I really want that trip, equipment, or some other toy

People should not buy goods or services because they need them and because they are offered at a fair price, they should buy goods and services in order to preserve the middle-class lifestyle of people. It does not matter if little Suzie's cupcakes are overpriced and you are a diabetic, you should buy them anyway because little Suzie deserves to go on that trip with her cheer leading squad to the East Coast. It does not matter if John from Accounting is a worthless sack of shit who has not done anything since 2002, we like him and he's a nice guy, so we should keep him on and pay his six figure salary so he can continue to buy a new car every 3-4 years.

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3. Rely on others to do the heavy lifting, all you need to do is smile and look pretty

Why struggle to build something for yourself if you can just have your parents do it for you? Why toil through some trig problem if a nerd will do it for you? Why do any work around the office if you can just find a way to take credit for someone else's work? Just as they say behind every great man is a great woman, well behind every girl scout that sells 2500 boxes of cookies is a mom that blew half the office. (Behind every girl scout that sells 5000 boxes is a dad that blew half the office and got incriminating photos!)

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4. Your ultimate success will depend on your "people skills"

Some girl scouts will pound the pavement for several hours and only sell a few boxes, while other girl scouts will sell thousands of boxes without lifting a finger. Why the discrepancy? The hard-working girl scouts had no connections. Their mothers did not sell thousands of cookies for them. The girl scouts that did not lift a finger had what is termed "people skills."

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As a general rule of thumb, it is never good when people describe someone as having a good personaltiy. If you were set up on a blind date with a girl with "a nice personality" you know she is going to be uglier than a baboon's butt with hemroids.

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Similary, when people say they have "people skills" in the business world it is their way of saying that they lack talent and accomplished jack shit. "People skills" is the ability to sponge off other people and take credit for their efforts. People with "people skills" are like Stiffler from the American Pie movies. By some measures they are "popular" because people seem to hang around them, but everybody also thinks they are cunts.

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III. Quiz Answers

1. Correct answer is b. It is a good idea to have a few kids with somebody before you commit to something like marriage which will bind you for life.

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2. Correct answer is b. Many people may have been tempted to answer a, however having 4 kids before the age of 19 is way too skany, even by MoPo or Springer standards. Three kids before 19 is par for the course.

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3. Correct answer is b. Selling sex is a sign of maturity that most haters can't appreciate. Talk to the hand!

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4. Correct answer is b. Many women fantasize their whole lives about the ideal wedding proposal. Their man on one knee, wearing his best pair of pants, a tie, and a torn shirt. The third corner of the love triangle ready to violently barge in when she says yes....I am surprised you do not see this in Hugh Grant movies.

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5. Correct answer is b. Even though you told the lie detector guy you cheated a couple times, you might be able to pull this one off. Tell your woman that you have not been cheating. Tell your woman that you got that rash on your dick from playing football.

Special Guest Blogger

This week, Telly from Sesame Street will be filling in for yours truly.


Hi all. I would like to thank wirldzlamest for giving me this forum. As we enter this holdiday season, we should express our appreciation to ALL those people who make our world a good place.
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You see, in this world of ours, some of us get the sugar and some of us get the shit.



In football, the quarterbacks get all the attention. Even though the game is really won in the trenches along the line of scrimmage.



We do not throw any victory parades Linemen. It seems they do all the pushing, the bash their brains in and get jack shit. Of course, this does not just occur in football, but on Sesame Street as well.




Elmo is a prime example of a douchebag that gets way too much attention and praise. Sure he is talented, but the little son of a bitch thinks the whole world revolves around him. The planet we live on is called E-A-R-T-H not "la la la la Elmo's World."
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Sesame Street revolves around its sponsors, not Elmo. The sponsors do not care if "Elmo want to play with the Ball" or "Elmo want to go outside." The sponsors want you to plug their product, plain and simple.
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When I get on the air I SELL SELL SELL!! If you want me to sell the letter M, I will sell the fuck out of theletter M. You WILL KNOW that letter M stands for Milk, Meat, Mittens, and Monkeys. You will think M is the best god damn fucking letter in the alphabet. You will crim in your pants when somebody says Milk. I watch elmo and have no fucking idea that M is even the fucking letter of the day.
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Yet I get shit on and have to scrap for air time that I use to fucking move product, while Elmo is stuck in his own world talking about his own shit. When he gets on the air, he won't even tell you letter M even exists, let alone why it is a decent letter worth learning.



I am not the only one that has been fucked over on Sesame Street, Count has been treated like shit too and has been underutilized IMHO. Count approaches this busines with a burning passion that NOBODY has. Count lives, eats, breathes, and sleeps numbers. Unfortunately, they moved him away from the central office on Sesame Street and put him way the fuck out in Transylvania.


Big Bird is a stupid twat that gets way too much credit and who does jack shit. It was his great fucking idea to sink all that money into the god damn toaster repair shop. Everybody new the fucking Chinese were going to come and blow the shit out of the toaster market.



Oscar is a guy that has been completely shit on. People think he has a shitty attitude, but anybody would have a shitty attitude if they were in Oscar's position. The guy lives in a fucking trash can. He gets soiled diapers, bloody tampons, and condoms covered with Ernie's shit and filled with Bert's jizz dumped on his head everyday. I think Oscar has a great fucking attitude all things considered.
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People that shit on Oscar don't even know the half of his story. "Oscar the Grouch" is really Allister Wilson, a Cambridge trained actor that won critical acclaim for his performances during Sumerstock. He fell on hard times after a barbituate addiction literally left him in the gutter. He is 12 stepping, taking one day at a time and the fucker has courage. And everybody on Sesame street says HE has a pissy attitude...fuck them


Ernie is the laziest son of a bitch I ever met. All he does is sit in his bath tub with his rubber ducky. The only reason why he's on the show is because he fucks Bert, and Bert's uncle is the producer.


Grover is a hard working son of a bitch that takes a lot of physical abuse for the show, but he too gets spit on. One time Grover was in so much pain, the fucker could not even stand up. The Directors asked Cookie Monster to be his body double and fall into some trash cans. Cookie Monster said, "Fuck you, that's not in my contract." Grover sucked it up and took the dive, herniating 3 disks in his neck. you got to show some love to Grover and you gotta show some love to all "the little people" that make this world work!

Nuke 'em all & a step in the right direction

I. NUKE THEM ALL
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As I watch college football this fine Saturday, I cannot help but think all would be harmonious if it were not for a particular part of the world.



Just when we thought all was well, people from this part of the world have found a way to stir up shit and disrupt the cosmic order.

It's not just recently that people from this part of the world have been stirring up shit, it seems they have been at it for at least a decade.



They have been bitching about how they are not treated fairly, how they are getting short changed when the world has been more than generous to them. That is why I propose NUKING the fuck out of.............................................
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BOISE STATE!

Boise state is a piece of shit college football team that does not deserve to be in "the conversation" for the national title. First, they only play barber colleges. Second, Blue fields suck. Football is played on a GREEN field. Not even in Kentucky do they play on Blue fields.
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Finally, "Boise State" is not a name for a school. There is "Ohio State" "Florida State" and "Michigan State" because Ohio, Florida, and Michigan are states. Boise is a piece of shit town in Idaho, not a state.
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So I say we say fuck off to Boise State and nuke the fuck out of them.

II. Fort Hood Shootings, A Step in the Right Direction
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The media has said that the Fort Hood shootings threaten to trouble relations between America and Muslims, and Americans at large and Muslim-Americans. I say the shootings were actually a step in the right direction.
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When I say a step in the right direction, I mean a step in the right direction and not a solution to the problem or an ideal state of affairs. For example, if somebody has a heart attack and needs emergency bypass surgery, getting that person into an ambulance is a step in the right direction, even though that person still needs a whole lot of medical treatment and is still in a precarious situation.
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Hassan's actions in Fort Hood were a step in the right direction in mending relations between Muslims and the West. You see, Hassan targeted soldiers on a military installation to advance the cause of Islam. He did not attack an office building full of office workers, a plane full of tourists, or a coffee shop full of mothers and children. He attacked a military target.
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If the US had reason to believe a bunch of Taliban soldiers were in a building, it would send a cruise missile to that building ASAFP. The US is not a "terrorist" when it acts in this way, even if its information is sometimes flawed. Here Hassan knew a bunch of US soldiers, who were getting ready to go to war, were congregated in a building and he attacked the target.
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This attack is a step in the right direction because it might encourage Islamic terrorists to target military installations rather than civilian targets. If this shooting sets a trend, non-Muslims might start treating Muslims better. Non-Muslims might be a little more at ease if they see a "scary-looking" Muslim in the airport because they might figure he is off to attack an Army base, not a passenger jet. This in turn, may lead to better relations between Muslims and non-Muslims.
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So, what do you think?

Bad PR......

The recent Fort Hood shooting is yet another example of the shitty PR Muslims are giving themselves. This week at Fort Hood, a Soldier who happened to be Muslim went berserk and shot a bunch of people. News sources are saying he may have been partially motivated by anti-Muslim abuse he received.



This is not the first time a Muslim said, "How dare you call me a terrorist...I will kill you in the name of Allah!" A few years ago a bunch of Muslims threatened to create another 9-11 because some Danish cartoonists portrayed Muhammed as a terrorist.
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I am not trying to shit on all Muslims, I am just pointing out they have a bad public realtions department. However, Muslims are not the only group on this world with a bad PR department.



The group with the worst PR department are the Jews. In fact, the whole Arab-Israeli conflict does not revolve around some Jews squatting over a small patch of desert wasteland in the Middle East which has NO OIL under it, but rather, Arabs are pissed that the Jews referred them to the same publicist.
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Jews have, among other things, cured Polio, developed the theory of relativity, created Seinfeld, and wrote "I am Dreaming of a White Christmas." Yet, every few decades for the past three millenia someone has come along and tried to kill them all off. Jews are the Exxon of ethnicities, horrible PR but look at the earnings.



Indians also have bad PR. Indians are always portrayed as dorks. True, Asians are often portrayed as Dorks, but you have cool Asians like Bruce Lee to offset that. There is no Bruce Lee of India.
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There is probably no worse piece of PR for Indians than this link.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/6161691.stm
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It's one thing for locker room talk to get out about things like the "Irish Curse," but it is another thing for a reputable news organization like the BBC to write your people have small dicks.

Happy Holidays

Most of you don't know, or frankly don't give a shit that breast cancer awareness month just ended. It's not that I like breast cancer or anything, but breast cancer awareness month is a bullshit holiday. To be frank, most holidays are bullshit.
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This week's post is about rating the holidays. Holidays will be rated on participation and sincerity. For example, breast cancer awareness month gets a 1/10 for participation because the only person that gives a shit about it is that fat cunt in the office that has nothing better to do with herself than go around passing out pink ribbons. It gets a 1/10 for sincerity because it is all about wearing pink ribbons and not really about saving women's lives.

So without further adieu, let's go through the calendar.




The first holiday of the year is New Year's eve/day. I give it a 7 for participation. Most people do something special for New Year's eve, but a lot of people like to stay home to avoid amateur hour.
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New Year's eve gets a 5 for sincerity. It has a commercial element to it, but all in all people seemed to be genuinely excited about the calendar change.



Our next set of holiday's is Martin Luther King Jr. day which is followed up by Black History month. These holidays get a 3 for participation. Only people that work for the government get the day off, and of those who take the day off, most people do not give a shit about MLK or his message.
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For sincerity, I give the holidays a 4. Black people have kept MLK day mostly somber, but Black History month is a crock of shit. You do not see Argentinians trying to suggest that Manu Ginobli should be in the same conversation as Kobe Bryant or Lebron James. Yet every year during Black History month, people try and suggest that the guy who invented peanut butter should be in the same conversation as Einstein and Isaac Newton. This is bullshit, which is why the sincerity score goes down.



Our next holiday is Valentine's day. It gets an 8.5 on the participation scale. Most people seem to participate in it.
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As far as sincerity goes, this holiday gets a 2. About half the population (I will not tell you what half) thinks this holiday is all about love. The other half knows this holiday is all about buying over-priced heart shaped crap so you won't get bitched at.



St. Patrick's day is our next holiday. I give it a 5 for participation. A lot of people like to go out and wear something green on this day, but it does not bring the world to a stand-still like other holidays.
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As far as sincerity goes, this holiday gets a 3. St. Patrick's day was originally supposed to honor the patron St. of Ireland, now it is an excuse for anybody who thinks they have a scintilla of Irish Blood to act like a jack ass. You do not see Black people drinking 40 ouncers and eating watermelon on MLK day, so why should I see wanna-be irish people drinking green beer on St. Patty's day.



Our next holiday is Memorial day. As far as participation goes, this holiday gets an 8. Most people, except people in certain tourist or service industries, take the day off.
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As far as sincerity goes, this holiday gets a very generous 2. Most people do not think about dead soldiers on this day and very few, except politicians, visit soldiers' cemeteries. As for myself, I expressed my feelings for the military here.

http://wirldzlamestblogger.blogspot.com/2009_05_10_archive.html



Our next set of holidays is mothers' day and fathers' day. As far as participation goes, this gets an 8. Most people do something with their mothers on mother's day or at least give them a call. If their mother's are dead, they take out their wives or something. Unfortunately, increasingly large numbers of people do not celebrate father's day because they have no idea who their father's are..
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On the sincerity scale, this holiday gets a 6. Many people do something genuine for their parents on these days, but this holiday is a Hallmark holiday so it can never break a 6 on the sincerity scale.




4th of July is our next holiday. As far as participation goes, it gets a 10. Almost everybody in the USA celebrates it except for Angry Lesbian Hippies who hate America, and it is not as if we miss them.
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As far as sincerity goes, I give this holiday a 7. It's lost some of its meaning, but for the most part it has kept true to its roots.. I don't know what watching some Japanese guy eat 50 hot dogs has to do with the birth of a nation, but I like fireworks and Boston Pops.



Our next major holiday is Halloween. As far as participation goes, it gets a 5. Old people do not seem to celebrate it much.
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As far as sincerity goes, I give Halloween a 9. You are probably saying, "How the fuck can you give this holiday, which is all about selling candy shitty plastic crap shaped like jack-o-lantern's a 9!?" Well let me explain.
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Halloween is one of the only holidays that has aged well over the centuries. It was originally started by the Church in the middle ages to honor all the saints. Now of course, it has nothing to do with saints, like anybody gives a shit.
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Halloween is great because it is the one holiday where normally modest women dress up like total sluts! And total sluts, well they still dress like total sluts. Yes, Halloween is awesome because it's that one time of year where you can see that uptight chick's silver dollar pancake nipples and camel toe through her slut-in-a-bag genie costume. You can have your piety! You can have your saints! I will ogle the strumpets!



Thanksgiving is our next holiday. I give it a 10 for participation. The only people that seem to hate it are vegan hippies with hairy armpits.
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Thanksgiving gets a 7 for sincerity. It is for the most part a good holiday where people unite with their families and close friends. It seems relatively untainted by corporate influence, unless you count the all-powerful turkey industry as a corporate influence. On the other hand it will be defiled this year by Detroit Lyons football.



The last holiday is the grand daddy of them all, Christmas. It gets a 10 for participation. Everybody celebrates it, even non-Christians. Jews celebrate it by eating Chinese food, Chinese celebrate it by making money of Jews.
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As far as sincerity goes, this holiday gets a 2. I don't know what waiting in line for eight hours to buy yet another incarnation of the Iphone has to do with little baby Jesus. I don't know what having a small child sit on some sex offender's lap has to do with the coming of the Lord. But what I do know, is that Christmas is like an autocratic dictator, it is so full of shit it will silence all its critics. Just as I can get labelled a heretic for criticizing the Ayotollah in Iran, I will get labelled a "scrooge" for criticizing Christmas.
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Well, I am like that girl in Iran, Neda, who got shot protesting the Ayatolah. I say Bah Humbug!